The title of this post can be deceiving. I have prayed before, I pray with my girls everynight but I have gotten to the point where I felt why, what is the point I put this energy into praying and I don't see anything. I know this is selfish but why do I pray if God does not hear me?
This is what I have felt like for some time, I have been struggling. But I think I have been looking for something to drop out of the sky into my lap. Maybe if I start looking for smaller things take hints and put things together I may be able to see what He is trying to tell me. Well on Tuesday I had a slap in the face an aha moment, a here is what you are looking for.
I was on my way from one office I was listening to music channel surfing and I switched away from 101.9 tried all the other stations I had programed nothing kept my interest so I ended back at #1 101.9. I heard a verse "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave nor forsake you. "
To tell you the truth I don't know the context to this verse but it has it's own meaning to me and it has made me think, I heard this for a reason. I do know that there is power in prayer but sometimes you just get discouraged when you can't see what is in front of you.
What was I really looking for? I asked God to comfort Alayna's fears, I asked Him to heal Alyson, I have been asking him to help my husband with his faith so we can get closer. But now that I am sitting here typing this I realize He has already provided for all of these prayer request just in different ways then I was looking for.
Where was I going with this post? Blog therapy I heard you feel better, I do I have let everyone know where I am at with my struggles.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
I've been tagged
Thanks Travis, I have been tagged. I must admit I have been dreading posting this but I thought I would be a good sport and do it anyhow. I am going to give fair warning I have been in a bad mood for several weeks now so hopefully so blog therapy will help and this gives me an excuse why I should actually post it.
Here goes nothing. 5 things I hate to admit.
1.) I hate to be wrong, ask my husband. Even if we both know I am wrong he is the first to back down and give me the "OK honey what ever you think" phrase.
2.) I hate getting a question I don't know the answer to. Let me explain a little, there is a boy in Alayna's daycare class that just lost his brother to SIDS. They must be talking about it some and Alayna is now afraid to go to sleep every night. She always asks questions that I don't know what to say to her I feel like I can't comfort her so for the past three weeks she has been sleeping in our room. She will be sleeping but crying I wake her try to reassure her she is fine then she wants to rocked back to sleep.
3.) I hate work (right now at least.) We are short staffed at work so I have been working overtime and bringing work home, so even though I am at home I am in front of the computer.
4.) I hate uncertainty. I wish there was a straight forward answer to everything only black and white, no gray areas. Alyson has had some issues with her heart. She had a balloon cath procedure done in April and will be having another one done in November. Why should we do another one of these when we will be doing open heart in April. The Dr tell me to get her bigger and stronger it is easier to do technical parts when they have more room to work. If that is the case why not wait a few more years, she seems healthy, they ask for all the symptoms and I can honestly say no to ALL of them. I guess I am thankful that she does not have any but I feel like they are doing all these things to her now "just because" I know all the labs and test tell them why. But I just don't see it.
And my last one which is a much lighter and one that I always have issues with. I hate when drivers have road rage. I really don't see the point to it.
Well again thanks Travis and sorry you had to read me venting, however, if anyone has advice to any of these let me know especially # 2 I am at a loss. I am going to tag Shannon and Abby.
Here goes nothing. 5 things I hate to admit.
1.) I hate to be wrong, ask my husband. Even if we both know I am wrong he is the first to back down and give me the "OK honey what ever you think" phrase.
2.) I hate getting a question I don't know the answer to. Let me explain a little, there is a boy in Alayna's daycare class that just lost his brother to SIDS. They must be talking about it some and Alayna is now afraid to go to sleep every night. She always asks questions that I don't know what to say to her I feel like I can't comfort her so for the past three weeks she has been sleeping in our room. She will be sleeping but crying I wake her try to reassure her she is fine then she wants to rocked back to sleep.
3.) I hate work (right now at least.) We are short staffed at work so I have been working overtime and bringing work home, so even though I am at home I am in front of the computer.
4.) I hate uncertainty. I wish there was a straight forward answer to everything only black and white, no gray areas. Alyson has had some issues with her heart. She had a balloon cath procedure done in April and will be having another one done in November. Why should we do another one of these when we will be doing open heart in April. The Dr tell me to get her bigger and stronger it is easier to do technical parts when they have more room to work. If that is the case why not wait a few more years, she seems healthy, they ask for all the symptoms and I can honestly say no to ALL of them. I guess I am thankful that she does not have any but I feel like they are doing all these things to her now "just because" I know all the labs and test tell them why. But I just don't see it.
And my last one which is a much lighter and one that I always have issues with. I hate when drivers have road rage. I really don't see the point to it.
Well again thanks Travis and sorry you had to read me venting, however, if anyone has advice to any of these let me know especially # 2 I am at a loss. I am going to tag Shannon and Abby.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
It's Fall?
Wow is it really fall? I sure can't believe that I love the autumn weather and I thought it was here however I was mistaken, yesterday we went to Davenport to spend some more time with my parents and I realized mid day that I dressed everyone way to warm. Both girls were sweating up and storm. Alayna and I got to help grandpa out in the field for a little bit however she was sad that she did not get to ride in the combine so we will have to make another trip before harvest is done. We are going to be heading out to Chuck's grandparents farm later today so I hope to get some pictures in the pumpkin patch. I will post if we get some good ones. Hope this finds everyone well rested after a gorgeous weekend.
Friday, October 3, 2008
What a week
This week has been full of ups and downs and I really don't know where to begin. I had the chance to go to Davenport on Sat. to see family last week. It was so nice to see grandparents, hear stories they have to tell and to tell them what the kids have been up to. Chuck also was able to help my brothers in the field and I can't even begin to tell you how much he enjoyed running the combine, I heard about it all week long. Then Sunday night Alyson was up ALL night long and this is not like her at all so I took her in to the Dr on Monday morning and sure enough we had our first ear infection (9 months old can't complain to much.) Then Monday night Alayna was up so Tuesday back to the Dr and she had strep. Then on Wednesday Alayna had a field trip to Honey Creek Apple Orchard which was so much fun. I was at work for two hours when I got a call from school that Alayna was sick again so back to pick her up.
Now Thursday Alsyon had an appt at the U with the cardiologist for an Echo. She did great but not the news we were hoping for. Things have again gotten worse after her last Cath so they will be doing that again in early Nov. and then six months after that she will go in for for heart surgery. In nov. when they are doing the Cath they will decide if they will have to go in through the sternum or if they can go in on the side and go between two ribs making recovery a whole lot quicker and easier for her. This is very hard to hear that our sweet baby is not as healthy as we look at her and think. I guess we have been blessed that this has not affected her that much. She is crawling all over the place and is eating anything she can get in her mouth. I called Chuck on my way home as he had to stay home with Alayna who was still sick. He had to tell me some other hard news, my grandpa had passed away earlier that morning. I was able to see him and talk with him for quite some time on Sat. It was hard to see him not feeling good, having a hard time talking with us and not wanting to eat or drink anything. He had stories to tell about his marriage, his kids and several other topics that were from years ago. He was able to recount those time with no trouble but was forgetting things from days before. He will be missed greatly by all of his family.
At the beginning of this post I did say ups and downs as I realize what I have been typing it seems like there were not that many ups, but last night as I laid in bed I could not sleep I kept recounting the things that have been happening. And I realize that I really have been blessed I have a wonderful husband who is by my side, I have two beautiful girls who are having so much fun together and by my account are healthy and growing good. I have a job that has been extremely flexible with me missing work and most importantly our family has someone looking over us. I know everyone and everything will work out I have to remember to put all my Faith in the Lord and He will protect us.
I hope this finds all of you doing well. I am going to try and get some pictures posted as well.
Lots of love from Shelley and all of the Bulecheks
Now Thursday Alsyon had an appt at the U with the cardiologist for an Echo. She did great but not the news we were hoping for. Things have again gotten worse after her last Cath so they will be doing that again in early Nov. and then six months after that she will go in for for heart surgery. In nov. when they are doing the Cath they will decide if they will have to go in through the sternum or if they can go in on the side and go between two ribs making recovery a whole lot quicker and easier for her. This is very hard to hear that our sweet baby is not as healthy as we look at her and think. I guess we have been blessed that this has not affected her that much. She is crawling all over the place and is eating anything she can get in her mouth. I called Chuck on my way home as he had to stay home with Alayna who was still sick. He had to tell me some other hard news, my grandpa had passed away earlier that morning. I was able to see him and talk with him for quite some time on Sat. It was hard to see him not feeling good, having a hard time talking with us and not wanting to eat or drink anything. He had stories to tell about his marriage, his kids and several other topics that were from years ago. He was able to recount those time with no trouble but was forgetting things from days before. He will be missed greatly by all of his family.
At the beginning of this post I did say ups and downs as I realize what I have been typing it seems like there were not that many ups, but last night as I laid in bed I could not sleep I kept recounting the things that have been happening. And I realize that I really have been blessed I have a wonderful husband who is by my side, I have two beautiful girls who are having so much fun together and by my account are healthy and growing good. I have a job that has been extremely flexible with me missing work and most importantly our family has someone looking over us. I know everyone and everything will work out I have to remember to put all my Faith in the Lord and He will protect us.
I hope this finds all of you doing well. I am going to try and get some pictures posted as well.
Lots of love from Shelley and all of the Bulecheks
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